Hahaha. I can take a pic for others future reference, but between my boyfriend's tenacity and my small hands, we got it out. Thanks, guys (and bless all you capable, competent men out there).
For future reference:
The Crankshaft Position sensor is indeed between the engine and tranny, nearer to the driver's side. Here's a diagram:
http://www.autocodes.com/qa/?qa=blob&qa_blobid=2467924837171996146
Accessing it..sigh..um, you can take the driver's wheel off and pull out the rubber cover wheel well to see it better. Best access came for us underneath the truck. If you've got a small arm, you can go in between the tranny and the front driveshaft to unloosen the bolt that holds it in. It is a 10mm head. We loosened the connector with a long screwdriver through the wheel well, got the bolt on and off with a small wrench and a very sore arm, and re-connected the sensor using a coat hanger. Dropping the tranny might be the easiest way to access it.
From the wheel well, look where the screwdriver is stuck in -
Then get your head into the wheel well, and lower it down a little to spot this bad boy:
The sensor connector faces the passenger side, and it's connection comes from that side as well.